Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello everyone,

Yes I am still here lol. I have considered writing on here many times but something always comes up as you know. I have listened to the birds singing and the sun beaming through my window and enter to my soul.

I have been trying to find that which was lost in me. But now I find it may not have been lost, rather self has changed and is reinventing, very slowly with an understanding. What I perceived as long dark silences, I now see as time of discovery. I was going out a lot and enjoying my freedom with my friends in the form of dancing and drinking. Now I am more content to be home and just to be.

I still worry about being alone and facing the daily challenges that come along, but I face them one at a time the best way I can. I have dated for a while and with a few people but either friendship or aquintances. I am still talking to people and will still go out but now I am more content to experience this time for now.

I will say one I am talking to has caught my interest, but for now we are just getting to know each other, and it is to soon to know yet.

I wanted to wish all a Happy Thanksgiving and I am anxiously waiting the wonderful meal my mom is making.

Take care everyone,
Pixies:)

Doing well

Hello everyone,

I am doing very good now, I have my place cleaned up and comfortable now. You will begin to see my maiden name appear now on some of my post as I eventually want to go back to using it. Ann Kelly/Gallant, soon to be Ann Kelly.

This morning a strong sense of writing came to me so I have put my thoughts into words. I am adding them for you to read and I hope enjoy, I do believe an awakening of sorts is now happening for me, and I would like to share that with you.

Enjoy my friends,
Pixie:)

7/10/2008
Dawn of Awaking

It is the dawn of my awakening,
All senses tinkle with anticipation
Some good some bad, for people’s thoughts can be so sad.

They await that which they do not understand,
and wish unhappy things to their fellow man
But on the dawning of all things there is more to what the meaning of life brings

We glimpse such a small part of true reality of our being
Complicated but yet simple in our structure of life
Insight is there to be held,
But only by those who know of the true spirituality realm

In this realm things are true and waiting,
Patients of evolution created by the one
For only he knows of the grand scheme
Imagine the horror in which he has seen

Within the sin a true heart may exists,
Covered by pain by a life without bliss
Only true understanding can bring it forth
For he is waiting and is our source

So be thee aware of what lies beyond the human eye
For we are exactly alike you and I
The difference is beneath the exterior shell
And the one perfect one knows each of us well

Ann Kelly/Gallant

Calm

Hello everyone,

Things are still good here, I now have my place clean and tidy. It is so nice to wake in familiar settings. I am feeling happy and content now, but I also know things are still unsettled. I am working on having things finished and final, I will never look back once I have moved on and forward in my life.

I am sure things will not be coming up roses, but at least I will be walking my own path, and decide which direction I wish to take when I meet an intersection. I do find time starting to get long now that a lot of the work is done, but this will improve when I return to work. I have taken some vacation time to adjust to my surroundings again, and give my mind some much needed rest.

I was feeling creative today and wrote another poem, and I am going to share it with all of you who read my Blog. If you copy it or share it please leave my name attached to it, I would appreciate that. I hope you enjoy my mind and its thoughts about the night time, always fun creating something new.

Until next time,
Pixies:)

Present of Night

The light has faded leaving the way,
For darkness to come and evil to play

The creaks and the sounds send shivers through all
While the darkness waits and slivers in the halls

Through fear and misdeed it will have its way,
Leaving horror in its own wake until darkness fades

When the light approaches, evil then has fear
The warmth and love will soon appear

The shivers then belong to all who dwell in the dark
The light will fill all with its pure love of heart

So in the darkness we must abide
But the light will soon come and be by our side

Then the evil and darkness will have to run
But will always return with the setting of the sun.

Ann Kelly/Gallant June 28, 2008

Changes

Hello everyone,

Wow talk about changes that have come since my last post. I am back in my home again...yes I am, and legally! What a mess I had to clean here, it was terrible. But now it is shinny and clean again and looking more like home than it ever did! For the first time in a year I am truly happy. Now once the paper work is done and divorce papers signed I will be as happy as anyone dare be lol

I want to thank my best friend Kelly for her support though all my troubles. Without her help I am sure things would have turned out much worse than anyone would have thought. She is my family in the best sense of the word. Her life has improved too and she is on a journey of education, and self exploration.

My family has helped me a lot in getting settled in here and to get things working again. Most things are in need of repair, but that is minor for now. My ex did a lot of damage to my personal belongings, but he will pay for that through the courts. So I am happy to say things are much better.

That doesn't mean it is over yet, this I am sure of. The first night I was here my ex showed up and tried to force his way in. The police said because his lawyer didn't contact him and tell him I was here, so they wouldn't charge him, even though he broke the screen door handle. But he will pay for that to through the court and it will come out of his share once again.

But for now I am happy and content, and to me he doesn't exists any more, and even without the papers, I am now a free spirit who feels at home and at peace. I wish this peace will surround all who have read my story. One day I will fill in all the information I have left out on purpose until this is completely over. I can tell you, it will be a good read for sure, as long as you are not the one living it.

Good night my friends, God bless
Pixie:)

Dating Again

Hello everyone,



I have finally decided it is time to start dating again. I have meet some very interesting people and enjoyed meeting them. No one in particular yet, but at least now I know I am ready to look. I think I was waiting until everything was settled with my ex, seems that may be a while yet, so I am moving on. I am planing action that will hopefully end this complicated issue over the land. That is what is holding everything up. I want my freedom and everything settle by summers end and I am going to make that happen. But in the mean time, if Mr. Right walks around the corner...I am certainly going to say hello to him, lol.

Until next time,
Pixie:)

Happy Mothers Day

I would like to wish all mother's a very Happy mothers day. I am not a mom, but I do know the hard work and dedication it takes to be a good caring mom. So for you I write this poem of thanks from all the children of the world:)

Mothers

For all the times you said no when needed,
even though at the time we felt it wrong and pleaded.

For all the times we made you sit up,
when your young you don't realize this stuff.

For all the band aids and tears you wiped,
for changing all those diapers that was not so nice.

For pushing us to study for a better life than some had...
you are our mother and for that we are grateful and glad.

Thank you, for all you do:)
Pixie:)

Poem

Hello everyone,

I am still here and about, nothing much has changed in my circumstances. But I have figured out that I am ready to start looking for a possible friend shall I say lol. No, I have not found anyone yet but I have meet some interesting people and realized that I will not loose anything but looking, and will gain some friends by doing so. A new friend has inspired me to write a poem, and I am going to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it and maybe find a little inspiration within it.

May 3, 08

Stormy Dreams

Across a barren sea, wave lash out at all that be,
Rougher waters on the way,
hold on tight the fierce winds do say.

Once the storm unleashes and ends its fury,
the water returns to a beauty in glory.

A dangerous journey we all must face,
different circumstance, decide each ones fate.

Some will give way to grief,
to much of a burden for them to meet.

Others will triumph and make their way,
to a happier place and sail away.

To the island of dreams so clear, tropical and true,
Were only happiness waits for you.

So set your course as best you can,
victory will be given by destiny as designed and planned.

Ann Gallant

Take care until next time,
Pixies:)

Just checking in

Hello,

I am not sure anyone still checks my page, but just encase anyone does I will drop a note, and say hi. Things are still in limbo, but I do believe they are about to move. It is very hard to try and be optimistic when everything stays at a stand still for long periods of time.

Yesterday as I sat at my computer and stared out the window, I almost came on and wrote a post. I watched the billions and billions of snow flakes slowly fallen on an existing blanket of white. I contemplated those flakes, and as I did so, those flakes became all the misery in the world...it seemed like so much pain was falling it was unmeasurable in size and emotion.

This realization reminded me I am not alone in my unhappiness, so many have different pains and struggles they must also deal with. And as I watched and contemplated more I also noticed something else. As these never ending flakes fell, the sun would peak out for a brief time, and melt some of the fallen flakes. Once the sun disappeared more flakes covered those that had vanished.

Again I thought about this process, and concluded, that someones pain was just melted away. Lots more will experience the pain, but some will find relief as the pain moves on in turn. The brief melting is what will get us through our storms of confusion. Some how this little story will hopefully help someone out there who needs to see those snow flakes for what they are. That person will then understand what will happen when the sun shines, and melts those same worries away. More worries will come later, nothing we do can stop that, but when the sun melts the present, at least then we might get a slight glimpse of a possible future.

Until next time friends,
Pixies:)

Still here

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know I am still here.
I am just waiting for the world to stop spinning so fast so I can steady myself.
I am sure it will all end soon...at least I hope...7 months and still waitng for good luck and peace of mind!

Time will take its time,
Pixies

Changes

Hello again,

Well I guess some of you might have been waiting for some of the writing I talked about in my last post...well things happen. It would seem the calm is over again for a while.

Lots of things have come up in all area of my like making it impossible for the creativity to come forth. How long this one will last is anyone's guess, we will just have to wait and see what happens. Until things get a little better I won't be writing much.

Until then,
Pixie

Changes

Hello again,

I had such a good day yesterday I want to share it with you. My best friend Kelly and me had all day together yesterday. We met for lunch, and a good friend joined us. We had a good time with our friend, and had a wonderfully unrealistic conversation...it was good. Then we did a little shopping, and met a new friend, we laughed as hard with him as we did earlier.

Then we were invited to another friends for supper...and a couple of beer;) It was a wonderful meal, and a very good conversation. She was a good hostess, and her place is very nice.
Then we went to Karaoke around 9, I don't get up and sing....I wouldn't do that to people! Ha ha It was a good time, I didn't arrive home until 2:30 this morning....hence why I am still setting at my computer trying to clear my thoughts a bit.

I am finally enjoying myself. It took a long time, and although I still have very bad days, I also have some very good days. I know some of you are still struggling...believe that very slowly, good change will come...I won't tell you it will stay because it doesn't. However; if the good times come more and more....then we will be sad less and less:)

I have also noticed another change in me lately, I seem to have become a very somber and serious person. I now sense a movement in the completely opposite direction, I now seem to have the need to create, to let what I feel release from within me. Only those who feel these rushes of creativity will understand the need to express them. For me it has come in the form of writing a very romantic continuously changing story.

I will probably shock a lot of you by saying that...because my life has been so serious...and yes even life threatening by time...I do believe I need to experience this. Do I intend to write a book...not now, maybe one day. The reason I tell all of you this, is because I am going to change some of my writing habits from being so life serious, to the creation that seem to be emanating from within me.

I am sure by now most of you are confused by my meaning. I will give you a few examples of the strong focus coming from within me, this just came out into a conversation one day...surprised me as well as those I was with. But they have increased in frequency, and I am now enjoying them. While talking one day, I said without knowing I was going to:

"My soul cried to be free, so I grew wings to accommodate its wishes"...to say it felt profound is putting it mildly!
Now they are more in a poetic and romantic form.
Such as:

"May the milky way find and nourish you with silky pleasure"
"Is our journey to pass as fiery comets in the night sky...silently blazing separate paths? "
"Slowly lay your head on the softest cloud in heaven, and I will cover you with protection and comfort..."

Ok, I think I have shocked some of you enough for now. But I will be letting this new creativity have a voice. Some might like it...others won't.
You must decide if you want to follow me on this different journey.
How long will it last...I don't know. It may leave as quickly as it came.....or maybe it is a new beginning...or part of me.

Have a good day my friends,
Pixie:)

Dance

Hello,

I went to a dance last night with my friends, it was different to say the least. I have promised myself I would do different things now that I am single. I don't remember the name of the band, but they played Jazz, Swing, and Blue's, as I said it was different for me.

I like easy listening and light rock. It was very nice to see people dancing in a way I haven't seen except for on T.V. Some of them had such good rhythm, and experience from years of practice together. They glided across the floor as if the wind carried them into a gentle breath of time and music.

They held each other with a respect that is not seen in today's dance mix. I do believe I would like to learn the skill of ballroom dancing, who knows...maybe one day it will be me gliding my way across a dance floor staring contently into a handsome mans eyes....but that I noticed is a must for a good dance, not just practised moves, but a caring, that seems to flow with the couple as they go.

Yes this is a different observation than my last post, but that is the point of observing different things. To come to, and change ones point of view...is that not what makes us grow as a people, and more important, an individual?

Peaceful dreams friends,
Pixie

Happy or Not

Hello everyone,

I have been watching people together lately. Families or couples as I sit having coffee in different places. I wonder if they are still together because they are in love, or has it become a convenience in their lives.

Only they truly know that for sure, but I can tell you what I observed, a good many seem indifferent to each other. I hear lots of "I don't care, do what you want or pick up what you want". No discussion about anything.

The children seem unaware of the discussion around them and are content with the fascination of the new toys, and wanting them. More than once I watched one or the other of a couple checking out someone who has just walked by...it is very easy to see what their thoughts are;)

I now wonder after all this studying of human nature, and living it, if we can be truly happy with the same partner through life. It seems life moves in, and sets us into such a routine that we forget the person we are with changes as much as we do.

I believe this is a natural state, we all evolve as we learn and experience all the different emotions of life. Maybe the trick is learning to except the change within our selves as well as those of our partner. Maybe that is what keeps the sparks alive within us, and pulls us together instead of apart.

What do you think? I would like to hear your thoughts on this subject, if anyone cares to share them.

Until next time,
Pixie;)

Cosmic Universe Explained

Hello again,

I have such a strong sense that I need to explain a comment I made on my last blog entry. My sense is people misunderstood my meaning, when I said a wrong had been made right by my passing events in the last year.

My sense tells me people are thinking, does she think she is so important in the grand scheme of things? Well, no I don't. If anything I feel the opposite, I feel a very insignificant part of this vast universe. I will try and explain what I meant.

Imagine a very fine piece of fabric, a very small stitch in the fabric is torn, but it is so small it appears unimportant in the looks and feel of this material. Over time this small tear feels the pull and strain on its weaken state, and begins to let go under the pressure. By itself none of the other stitches feels the weakened ones strain, until the closest stitch feels a pull on its purpose in the oneness of the fabric.

Now imagine the chain of events that follows over time, the entire fabric will feel the strain. Eventually a massive whole may appear, or a very noticeable tear. Now most fabrics, or articles made from this material have stress points which are made stronger at the time of creation to compensate for the added stress. But if the other stitches are also pulling on the stress point, then a hole or rift is created.

The question becomes, is this piece of fabric, or article of clothing important enough to repair, or will it be discarded. Each individual will need to answer that question for them selves. If it is repaired in time, no one would be aware that there was a problem, except for those stitshes involved. If however it is discarded, the gap will never be repaired, or improve. It will remain in this state until the end of time, or until someone sees its worth and repairs or recovers it.

I hope this explains more of what I truly meant by my statement...my guess is I just created even more questions. I am only a small stitch in the fabric in time, not known by most of the other stitches around me. But if myself or my fellow stitches weaken around me, then we become aware of a problem.

Will we wait until the tear is noticeable my friends,
Pixie:)

New Year

Happy New Year,

2008 has arrived, time really doesn't wait for anyone. I had some very good times over the holidays, and was able to visit a lot of friends and some family I haven't seen for a while.

I am more content now, and I am setting up a routine in my life. I still get very lonely by times but that will only ease with time and the company of friends. I am beginning to notice a lot of nature here now. There are many types of birds around here, as well as a lot of dogs running around, one in particular is very friendly and likes people throwing his ball for him that he takes everywhere with him.

I am having a sleepless night, which sometimes is normal for me. When it becomes quiet, and I become bored, my mind drifts back to past events and I cannot stop those thoughts. I believe this is the minds way of dealing with trauma, it waits until the individual can revisit a nightmare. My hope is that, this is the beginning of my true healing and the acceptance of what has happened to me.

I do not like these nights, as these thoughts still scare me, but if this will one day stop them from happening, then I would rather deal with them now. My thoughts now drift to many different things in my life. One strong sense I get is to continue to explore myself and who I really am.
By that I mean trying to figure out what I like as an individual.

I have never been on my own long enough to know what my wants, needs and likes are. Now these thoughts are foreign to me as I never ask myself these questions. You see, I have heard the saying, "it doesn't matter, or no one cares", so much throughout my life that I believed it and never thought any different...until this past year.

As you can tell my mind and all the questions in it are working again. On nights like this it would be so nice to have someone to talk to about them, and I am sure if I wanted someone here I could find some company. But I will not rush into that, first I need to figure myself out.
I am hoping that spring and a little freedom to explore will help me find some of the answers I am looking for, and maybe the contentment to stay alone.

I know I am not the only one asking these questions, and no one can tell us the answer. We must wait until the time is right, and believe that we now walk the path to our destiny. One thing I have always felt very strongly since my nightmare began, and that is that this had to happen, and somehow a wrong has been righted by these events passing. I don't pretend to understand it, but it must come to pass, and it must be completed to repair, or correct that which was very wrong in the cosmic universe. These events will somehow put me back onto some unknown path that I must journey on.

If I am honest, and most won't believe this, but I had...for lack of a better word, visions of some of these events. I did not see all the horror that awaited me, but I have seen an ending of sorts for many years but never understood it. And I don't mean as I would watch a movie, but simply I saw myself standing looking back at where I use to live and I knew I had to leave that place and all that went with it. A sense of right was so powerful, I couldn't deny it. I have seen this vision so many times I can remember most of the details including my thoughts as I looked on.

No I don't pretend to understand this, and it took me a long to to except it, but now I know it had a purpose and I was being told or warned, but I didn't listen or except it until all this happened. Now I know I need to listen, and try to follow whatever is ahead.

I will try to take you all with me on this personal journey, and maybe help some of you to understand there is a reason for this madness, we just cannot see it or understand it. Believe that there is a force out there guiding us, trying to lead us on our next important life lesson.
My belief is that in the end, we need to go through this stage in our existence in order to achieve the enlightenment on the other side of understanding.

Remain strong and believe, and we will make it,
Pixies:)