Long time

Hello out there it has been a very long time since I wrote on here. Thanks to a friend of mine a long ways from this country I was reminded of this site again.

So much has happened and yet nothing ever really changes. I am still single by choice, as I just do not seem to fall in love. I think this is a sign I am either not ready or maybe I should remain alone.

I am content now in my home and struggle as all single people do, but thanks to the help of my family I manage very well. I have made amends or rather built a bridge to my family roots again. So much pain and hurt for everyone is not good to hold onto, and the need of contact with what we know becomes a necessary part of life as we grow and age.

The fact that one very bad person changed the lives of so many is never good, but once we surface from the truth and pain a new understanding begins to grow within us. All the unimportant things we focus on in our life as we survive another day, month and year, fade in the face of real problems and troubles and even fear.

We humans are so good at building walls around our hearts and emotions, we hide from life and people so we can not be hurt anymore. We give up on faith and stop the belief there is something more out there, for if something more existed why would he let us suffer so much and leave us in our misery....

Well I will never say all the pain was worth any amount of understanding, but I must say now I do see things very differently. We can never change what others have done to us or what they may still do one day, but we can rise above what they are or will become.

I have a stronger faith in God now than I ever did before, and now I know if he was not beside me I am sure I would not have survived. The only way to the good it seems is through the bad, if this is the journey set before us... well I guess we must either walk it face on, or give up and let the force and will of others win over the spirit given.

Easy no, but I do feel a greater love for the good now that I have witness so much evil and hate. My best friend helped me more than anyone through my hell on earth... that is why I am so sure there is more to life, and the people we hold onto in our lives. Thank God my best friend has found happiness and peace also, she has her own family now and I am very happy for her.

I really hope I can begin to write on here once more, about life and nature and the love I know that is also out there between all good people. I am sure I have lost all of my past readers, but who knows maybe a few still come to look at the words of someone who is living life, making mistakes and learning.

Take care my friends,
Pixie

Hello again

It has been a very long time and a very long journey. I have moved in and out of a settled mode for over a year now, I think I am finally settled for now. I feel an old familiar and lost feeling beginning to return to me, one I have missed dearly. That feeling is contentment coming from within me, a feeling of warmth and light, oh how I have missed it.

And for those who wonder I am still alone, I was dating someone but now we are friends, as this is what we feel for each other. But a few months ago as I sat at my desk in the morning, and as the sun was rising to light the darkness and bring warmth, a friend returned to me.

My friend of light, sounds strange... but once you know this feeling it can only be described like this. As the sun brought rays of light through my window it touched me with its brightness... I was on cam at the time with a very old and dear friend of mine. He is 70 years of age and lives in India. As we chatted about life and philosophy he was beginning to witness what I felt.

I began to tell him what I was feeling as the sun warmed me, it began its journey to my soul to fill me with the warmth and light of love and understanding. As he bore witness to this he ask to remain and watch silently, I agreed. It was so long since this feeling of pure light had been felt and enjoyed, I thought I had lost it forever.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be lost in this wonderful pure feeling, I felt it enlighten my whole being and travel to every part of me and journey back to my head and finally release its energy through my eyes, as it slowly faded and left me calm and relaxed and humbled in life.

Once my thoughts returned I remembered my friend on cam watching this, he was still there and sat in deep thought as I acknowledged him again. I am not sure if he was more excited or me by this happening lol

I am hoping to begin new this spring, return or repair not sure which word fits the best. But there is something to nature to learn from, who is trying to teach us something... I want to learn and be a student of nature and find that which has been lost. Follow me on my journey ... should be interesting :)

Bye for now,
Pixies