Hello everyone,
I thought I should give everyone an update on how things are going. I must say things are going very well for me here. I think moving here was the best thing I could have done for myself.
I am content here now that I have adjusted to the small size of this place, and now find it very cozy. My X is leaving me alone as by the court order, and I am waiting for a date to be set to go before a judge to see if we can settle or if we need to go to court to finish this.
My friends are and have been such a great help to me, to me they are all guardian angels sent right from heaven. I will tell you, no matter what happens in your life, hold onto your good and best friends...they will be the only ones there when things go bad, and you feel like you are alone in this world.
Sometimes we drift apart, or a relationship comes along to separate you from them. Sometimes someone doesn't like to share your attention with them, but hold onto them, because if someone really loves you, they will want you to be happy and have your friends close by.
Be grateful for them and cherish them, God sent them to us for a reason. Thank him by keeping them close my friends, I know I am saying that a lot. But you see, my best friend got me through my nightmare. Without her I am very sure I wouldn't have made it, and now that my mind is clearing and settling, I realize this above all other things.
To all of my other friends who remained by my side through my living hell...thank you.
Maybe in the new year it would be a great resolution to make to cherish our friends more, and let them know it.
On that note, I wish you all a great new year, it will be a year of new beginnings for me, and I look forward to this now, and never look back.
Happy New Year,
Pixies:)
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
To all who read this blog,
I want to wish you and yours a wonderful and fulfilling Christmas.
My wish for you all:
May the true meaning of this season find fill and hold you.
May it maintain you through the coming years, in the form of hope and faith.
Merry Christmas,
and a very,
Happy New Year!
Pixie:)
I want to wish you and yours a wonderful and fulfilling Christmas.
My wish for you all:
May the true meaning of this season find fill and hold you.
May it maintain you through the coming years, in the form of hope and faith.
Merry Christmas,
and a very,
Happy New Year!
Pixie:)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Deep thoughts
Hello,
I am finally just about ready for Christmas, a couple more things to pick up and then I can relax.
Now that this season is here, I find myself reflecting on the good I experienced in and with people.
I had become cynical of everyone because of everything that has happened over the last 6 months. I had lost my faith in the fact that most people are good, and I needed to experience that once more to remember this story.
I won't tell the details but someone just did something for me out of the goodness of their heart. I did not ask, as a matter of fact I never said a word about what I needed, but because of this person I now have something that was a need but I couldn't get alone.
This has brought back to me, another good memory. This happened one day a few years ago, while I was working as a housekeeper. I went to clean the room of a terminal resident who was having a hard time excepting his outcome. I had ask if it was ok to clean his room, and yes he wanted some company.
As I started to clean I could see he was greatly depressed, and I ask if I should leave, he said no, but ask, "would you answer a question if you know"? I knew it was going to be a very serious question, and I told him I would try.
He said something along the lines of, "Do you think we pay for everything we have done in our lives, and if we spent all of our lives doing right and good would it make a difference in the end, and would it matter if we believe in God or not?"...
Well this I will tell you is not my expertise, but I thought quietly for a few minutes and reflected on what I believe. I finally said to him, I can tell you what I think, that doesn't make it right, nor does it make it wrong. It is my opinion only, do you want to hear it?
He said yes please do, I sat on the side of his bed and said something similar to this.
Life throws most people some hard things and times to deal with, we all wonder if there can be such a wonderful being out there watching us as we suffer so, and doesn't seem to help or interfere, but rather watches us in our misery.
Some of these life lessons can be cruel beyond belief, and so painful that we just about collapse under the burden. We almost certainly have to build invisible walls of protection as a means of blocking some of the pain out, and yes that means we with-draw from our fellow man, and our emotions are guarded.
Then I believe once we reach this level, then mistrust sets in, and the "I don't care" attitude.
We then have pretty much become part of what made us this way in the first place. It is so easy to stay in this place and hide from life, we become very comfortable living in our created world and let very few in, or help very few.
But I also have to believe that unless we experience this pain and suffering, we would never understand the pain of others. I believe there does come a time when we once again want to help everyone we can through their troubles. Maybe that wonderful being knows: if life was so easy, we would have no reason to question our faith, and that everyone would believe. Maybe I said, if we can survive through our pain and misery, and somehow realize that there must be a reason that we don't or can't understand for these things to happen.
And maybe when we get to the end of this physical life, and still have faith, and believe in the one greatness we all know as our maker...then maybe, just maybe... that will be enough, and all that is required.
This man sat and looked in the other direction and stared blankly for a few minutes. I went to get up, but he reached out and took my hand. He said thank you, I don't know if it is true or not, and the fear of the unknown takes us away from those thoughts of understanding. I am not proud of some of the things I did in my life, but yes I did learn many lessons from them.
And maybe you are right, I was questioning my faith as to how and why I could be lying here in this state of pain and suffering, and no heavenly help has come to me. Maybe in the end, that help will be there...when I need it most of all. I will keep the faith, and the belief, that this is all for a reason and maybe that will carry me through. Thank you again, he said, I am still very scared, and yes even angry, but I do and will believe.
I hugged him as we both had tears in our eyes, because we shared a bit of understanding and faith. You see, even if what I said wasn't true or right, it didn't matter. Without a cent, or an inconvenience we both felt the good that came out of that conversation.
We the two of us together, created a possibility of hope, in this world that can be so cruel and push us a side as if we don't matter. Now that I am beginning to remember some of these events in my life, it is helping me to be content with myself.
You see I have realized something else recently. I was always the one who went around telling people to enjoy the real meaning of Christmas, and not this store bought one that now exists. But this year I was the cynical one who was saying, I will be glad when it is over, and that I am only going through the motions.
Now I see the wrong in that, and I need to practise what I preach. Although I am not overly religious, I claim no named faith, my faith is that I believe. I don't believe in putting a label on it, or a certain name or church. Faith is something that we carry within us, and is there all the time, not just in certain places.
When I stop and think about the ever lasting love of God and his son, I truly feel a spark or a flame of strong emotion in my soul, I can feel it with-in me. Some of you may not agree with what I have said, and you are equally entitled to your beliefs, I would never say that they are wrong...how would any of us know in this world?
So in ending my story, although I am hurt and disillusioned with my life...I do believe and I must remember why a gift is given. It is not for me to judge what the receiver of the gift thinks of it, only that it was given for the right reasons, even if it is not the right color, or brand name.
Try to believe my friends, because in the end...faith is all we can take with us.
May the true meaning of the season be with you,
Pixies:)
I am finally just about ready for Christmas, a couple more things to pick up and then I can relax.
Now that this season is here, I find myself reflecting on the good I experienced in and with people.
I had become cynical of everyone because of everything that has happened over the last 6 months. I had lost my faith in the fact that most people are good, and I needed to experience that once more to remember this story.
I won't tell the details but someone just did something for me out of the goodness of their heart. I did not ask, as a matter of fact I never said a word about what I needed, but because of this person I now have something that was a need but I couldn't get alone.
This has brought back to me, another good memory. This happened one day a few years ago, while I was working as a housekeeper. I went to clean the room of a terminal resident who was having a hard time excepting his outcome. I had ask if it was ok to clean his room, and yes he wanted some company.
As I started to clean I could see he was greatly depressed, and I ask if I should leave, he said no, but ask, "would you answer a question if you know"? I knew it was going to be a very serious question, and I told him I would try.
He said something along the lines of, "Do you think we pay for everything we have done in our lives, and if we spent all of our lives doing right and good would it make a difference in the end, and would it matter if we believe in God or not?"...
Well this I will tell you is not my expertise, but I thought quietly for a few minutes and reflected on what I believe. I finally said to him, I can tell you what I think, that doesn't make it right, nor does it make it wrong. It is my opinion only, do you want to hear it?
He said yes please do, I sat on the side of his bed and said something similar to this.
Life throws most people some hard things and times to deal with, we all wonder if there can be such a wonderful being out there watching us as we suffer so, and doesn't seem to help or interfere, but rather watches us in our misery.
Some of these life lessons can be cruel beyond belief, and so painful that we just about collapse under the burden. We almost certainly have to build invisible walls of protection as a means of blocking some of the pain out, and yes that means we with-draw from our fellow man, and our emotions are guarded.
Then I believe once we reach this level, then mistrust sets in, and the "I don't care" attitude.
We then have pretty much become part of what made us this way in the first place. It is so easy to stay in this place and hide from life, we become very comfortable living in our created world and let very few in, or help very few.
But I also have to believe that unless we experience this pain and suffering, we would never understand the pain of others. I believe there does come a time when we once again want to help everyone we can through their troubles. Maybe that wonderful being knows: if life was so easy, we would have no reason to question our faith, and that everyone would believe. Maybe I said, if we can survive through our pain and misery, and somehow realize that there must be a reason that we don't or can't understand for these things to happen.
And maybe when we get to the end of this physical life, and still have faith, and believe in the one greatness we all know as our maker...then maybe, just maybe... that will be enough, and all that is required.
This man sat and looked in the other direction and stared blankly for a few minutes. I went to get up, but he reached out and took my hand. He said thank you, I don't know if it is true or not, and the fear of the unknown takes us away from those thoughts of understanding. I am not proud of some of the things I did in my life, but yes I did learn many lessons from them.
And maybe you are right, I was questioning my faith as to how and why I could be lying here in this state of pain and suffering, and no heavenly help has come to me. Maybe in the end, that help will be there...when I need it most of all. I will keep the faith, and the belief, that this is all for a reason and maybe that will carry me through. Thank you again, he said, I am still very scared, and yes even angry, but I do and will believe.
I hugged him as we both had tears in our eyes, because we shared a bit of understanding and faith. You see, even if what I said wasn't true or right, it didn't matter. Without a cent, or an inconvenience we both felt the good that came out of that conversation.
We the two of us together, created a possibility of hope, in this world that can be so cruel and push us a side as if we don't matter. Now that I am beginning to remember some of these events in my life, it is helping me to be content with myself.
You see I have realized something else recently. I was always the one who went around telling people to enjoy the real meaning of Christmas, and not this store bought one that now exists. But this year I was the cynical one who was saying, I will be glad when it is over, and that I am only going through the motions.
Now I see the wrong in that, and I need to practise what I preach. Although I am not overly religious, I claim no named faith, my faith is that I believe. I don't believe in putting a label on it, or a certain name or church. Faith is something that we carry within us, and is there all the time, not just in certain places.
When I stop and think about the ever lasting love of God and his son, I truly feel a spark or a flame of strong emotion in my soul, I can feel it with-in me. Some of you may not agree with what I have said, and you are equally entitled to your beliefs, I would never say that they are wrong...how would any of us know in this world?
So in ending my story, although I am hurt and disillusioned with my life...I do believe and I must remember why a gift is given. It is not for me to judge what the receiver of the gift thinks of it, only that it was given for the right reasons, even if it is not the right color, or brand name.
Try to believe my friends, because in the end...faith is all we can take with us.
May the true meaning of the season be with you,
Pixies:)
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Time
Hello everyone,
The Christmas season has arrived, I have been keeping myself so busy it could almost have passed me by. Normally I really enjoy this time of year, and I am putting effort into it for my work purposes. I have decorated my place a bit, and I have managed to get a few gifts wrapped.
So I guess I can honestly say I am slowly moving forward in my life. I have been keeping myself as busy as possible, and time seems to be flying by now. If you are curious if I have met someone...no, I have decided I will not look.
If something happen, that will be nice, but I have convinced myself that I will be better off alone. No one to answer too, and no explanations required for what I do or where I go. I do go out a lot on the weekends now, and yes I do party;) As a matter of fact I will soon be going out again, but with friends, we laugh, dance and just enjoy ourselves.
The only problem with this...for some strange reason I don't feel so well the next morning! Ha ha. I always said I won't grow up, and once my divorce is final, I plan on proving that to myself, that is the only person I answer too now...and I like it!
Have a good night,
Pixies:)
The Christmas season has arrived, I have been keeping myself so busy it could almost have passed me by. Normally I really enjoy this time of year, and I am putting effort into it for my work purposes. I have decorated my place a bit, and I have managed to get a few gifts wrapped.
So I guess I can honestly say I am slowly moving forward in my life. I have been keeping myself as busy as possible, and time seems to be flying by now. If you are curious if I have met someone...no, I have decided I will not look.
If something happen, that will be nice, but I have convinced myself that I will be better off alone. No one to answer too, and no explanations required for what I do or where I go. I do go out a lot on the weekends now, and yes I do party;) As a matter of fact I will soon be going out again, but with friends, we laugh, dance and just enjoy ourselves.
The only problem with this...for some strange reason I don't feel so well the next morning! Ha ha. I always said I won't grow up, and once my divorce is final, I plan on proving that to myself, that is the only person I answer too now...and I like it!
Have a good night,
Pixies:)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Old Friends
Hello everyone,
I am sitting here tonight thinking about my little friends I had at the last place I lived. It almost seems like a dream now that I became so close to them. Now that I am here and it is colder, I don't spend as much time out side. I miss this close contact I had with them. I am hoping the coming summer will bring some of these encounters back to me.
It is amazing to me now, how natural it all seemed to have the birds landing inches away from me, and flying so close. I could feel the wind from their wings on my face. The birds sitting on the wash line singing contently as I listened to their songs. The squirrels and chipmunks looking for fallen food, and as curious of me as I was of them.
Maybe I dreamed these things, how could that have ever happened, or be real? I f not for these photos of my friends I don't think I would have believed it. But I do remember the feelings I felt when I was around, and with them. I don't believe the language has been written yet to explain it.
Remember all your friends, human or not,
Pixie:)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Cook Pot
Hello,
I had a very interesting evening this evening and I would like to share it with you. My best friend Kelly is coming up tomorrow, I am not sure yet if it will be for lunch or supper, but I decided to make home made chicken soup, or chicken stew as I make mine thick with ingredients.
Well I went to the store and picked up everything I needed after work, once I had everything ready to start I went for a pot....guess what...I didn't have a pot big enough to make it in. Now picture me standing there with everything ready to go and nothing to make it in. What did I do, well I stood there and laughed at this situation, what else could one do but laugh and shake my head.
I borrowed a pot from a friend and figured now I was ready, I had a very good start on things. I prepared the chicken and added my spices, I peeled and diced the turnip, and potato, and went to peel the carrots. Once again I stopped and literally busted out laughing...guess what...yup I don't have a carrot peeler either! But this didn't deter me, I did it the old fashion way....with a knife:)
Now it was quite the experience, as I haven't cooked many meals like this since I moved here. I must say I did sample the soup and it tastes just fine. It has been so long since I attempted to cook things again. For the last few years of my marriage everything I made was not good enough for my ex, mostly as he said it wasn't made the way he made it, or the way he liked it. So my answer to him was, then you do the cooking because I am tired of hearing it.
That is exactly what happened, he did it his way. I never gave him the satisfaction of complaining about, because some things just aren't worth it. So even with all the problems I had, I feel good about making things my way again. I would have been happy with the compromise of sharing and experiencing different ways of making different dishes...but that would take compromise, something that no longer existed.
So now it is my way all the way:) Gawd it felt good saying that:)) Then I felt so good about the soup I decided I am also having a salad as well. Then I proceeded to scrub the upstairs and downstairs here tonight after all the dishes were done of course. Now I am going to clean the washroom, dust and then put myself into a nice candle light bath to end my day. My hope is that I will sleep in tomorrow knowing I have my work done.
Usually as soon as I wake on my day off, my first thought is all I have to do that day. This thought then will not let me return to sleep and regardless of the time I have to get up and start. I will be interested to see if this works or not. I am usually up at 5, but I am hoping for at least 8 tomorrow morning, well here is hoping. Well I need to get started again now the floor is dry.
Have a peaceful night,
Pixie:)
I had a very interesting evening this evening and I would like to share it with you. My best friend Kelly is coming up tomorrow, I am not sure yet if it will be for lunch or supper, but I decided to make home made chicken soup, or chicken stew as I make mine thick with ingredients.
Well I went to the store and picked up everything I needed after work, once I had everything ready to start I went for a pot....guess what...I didn't have a pot big enough to make it in. Now picture me standing there with everything ready to go and nothing to make it in. What did I do, well I stood there and laughed at this situation, what else could one do but laugh and shake my head.
I borrowed a pot from a friend and figured now I was ready, I had a very good start on things. I prepared the chicken and added my spices, I peeled and diced the turnip, and potato, and went to peel the carrots. Once again I stopped and literally busted out laughing...guess what...yup I don't have a carrot peeler either! But this didn't deter me, I did it the old fashion way....with a knife:)
Now it was quite the experience, as I haven't cooked many meals like this since I moved here. I must say I did sample the soup and it tastes just fine. It has been so long since I attempted to cook things again. For the last few years of my marriage everything I made was not good enough for my ex, mostly as he said it wasn't made the way he made it, or the way he liked it. So my answer to him was, then you do the cooking because I am tired of hearing it.
That is exactly what happened, he did it his way. I never gave him the satisfaction of complaining about, because some things just aren't worth it. So even with all the problems I had, I feel good about making things my way again. I would have been happy with the compromise of sharing and experiencing different ways of making different dishes...but that would take compromise, something that no longer existed.
So now it is my way all the way:) Gawd it felt good saying that:)) Then I felt so good about the soup I decided I am also having a salad as well. Then I proceeded to scrub the upstairs and downstairs here tonight after all the dishes were done of course. Now I am going to clean the washroom, dust and then put myself into a nice candle light bath to end my day. My hope is that I will sleep in tomorrow knowing I have my work done.
Usually as soon as I wake on my day off, my first thought is all I have to do that day. This thought then will not let me return to sleep and regardless of the time I have to get up and start. I will be interested to see if this works or not. I am usually up at 5, but I am hoping for at least 8 tomorrow morning, well here is hoping. Well I need to get started again now the floor is dry.
Have a peaceful night,
Pixie:)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Darkened Skies
Hello everyone,
Tonight I went over to a friends and watched her decorating for Christmas, she always starts early:) But I think for me that might have been a mistake, as it reminded me of everything I have lost this year...no I don't mean my soon to be X husband.
I have spent the last number of years collecting, creating and painting all of my Christmas possessions. But when I left I was able to grab very little of it, and so now I have lost it. I know a lot was given away and the rest was destroyed and that hurts.
I know it is just material things...but they were important to me. I think this is going to be a very hard season to get through this year, as I will have to remember what I had. I will not attempt to replace it this year as my will and want won't be there.
I will try and enjoy this holiday as I always enjoyed Christmas, and the true meaning of it. I choose to look at it as I have to give it all up in order to truly start again. But that doesn't make nights like this any easier. So to deal with my emotions I need to be creative, so I wrote another poem.
Tonight I went over to a friends and watched her decorating for Christmas, she always starts early:) But I think for me that might have been a mistake, as it reminded me of everything I have lost this year...no I don't mean my soon to be X husband.
I have spent the last number of years collecting, creating and painting all of my Christmas possessions. But when I left I was able to grab very little of it, and so now I have lost it. I know a lot was given away and the rest was destroyed and that hurts.
I know it is just material things...but they were important to me. I think this is going to be a very hard season to get through this year, as I will have to remember what I had. I will not attempt to replace it this year as my will and want won't be there.
I will try and enjoy this holiday as I always enjoyed Christmas, and the true meaning of it. I choose to look at it as I have to give it all up in order to truly start again. But that doesn't make nights like this any easier. So to deal with my emotions I need to be creative, so I wrote another poem.
Darkened Skies
Oh darkening skies so cloudy and grey,
When oh when will you go away.
Your cruelty so strong, while emotions are lost,
No trust in you is my complete cost.
I have paid my dues, enough for three,
Why dear fate are you so hard on me.
A lesson I must learn, and let it all go,
Do you feel my pain I would like to know?
But suffer I must for reasons unknown,
To keep the faith while the pain is shown
To a better time ahead, the dept paid in full,
To a fulfilling life, I hope this is the rule.
I hope in time the trust will return,
For it is self who has made this turn.
One day soon an understanding we will reach,
And through my pain maybe that lesson is reached.
By: Ann Gallant
November 21, 2007
Oh darkening skies so cloudy and grey,
When oh when will you go away.
Your cruelty so strong, while emotions are lost,
No trust in you is my complete cost.
I have paid my dues, enough for three,
Why dear fate are you so hard on me.
A lesson I must learn, and let it all go,
Do you feel my pain I would like to know?
But suffer I must for reasons unknown,
To keep the faith while the pain is shown
To a better time ahead, the dept paid in full,
To a fulfilling life, I hope this is the rule.
I hope in time the trust will return,
For it is self who has made this turn.
One day soon an understanding we will reach,
And through my pain maybe that lesson is reached.
By: Ann Gallant
November 21, 2007
Good night,
Pixie
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